Dear Heart Greetings!
You must be wondering why I am even writing out to you, when no one does. I care for no one. I care for you. Perhaps you might have not realized to the extent you should have been. I am not accusing you of something. Perhaps I am to be blamed for the things that aren’t in shape at present. I won’t complicate it more for you. I won’t take much of your time either. I am simply writing to know about your whereabouts. How have you been all this time? I was wondering whether you are well! I know, you must be in utter amazement to hear from me this day. But, trust me I really don’t know your whereabouts at present. I might sound utterly foolish to you, perhaps I am not. Don’t get me wrong. I am your well wisher, never far abroad. Trust me, I never saw the face of the person who took me away from you, or perhaps the you in me, away from me. I had a promise made to myself, following which I never was curious of seeing that man’s face. Although, I agree distances have come in-between us, but does that mean I had completely forgotten you in any state my heart. Sometimes, distances are self-created, people still, unable to keep away from their old habit, blame it on God. People shy away from their responsibilities. I also did. I never took adequate care of you when I should have been. If I really wanted you from the depths, I would possibly not have survived a single breadth post you parted. Aren’t you thinking on these lines. Perhaps no. Perhaps, Yes! A very big yes. But, the incident is long gone. I am breathing every single day of my life. If you consider this as a living, I might find myself absolutely numb, reading your thoughts. But, I know, you also do realize the fact that only breadth does not carry a life with itself, it has been always much more than that. Breathing a life span, isn’t life at all! I have died more than I had lived all these days once you were gone. It still seems as if you have left me all of a sudden, unaffected and indifferent. Although, I do realize the fact that one should avoid ringing with one hand. Had I not wanted something of this sort from deep within some time back, perhaps this separation was not happening feasibly.
You have left this easily, most likely because of my foolishness and negligence. I still wonder our days together. Despite all the realizations, probably I am still missing out on something somewhere.
Let me tell you frankly, I might not have confessed a valuable truth, the number of times I should have been, but, so that, I won’t repent any further, not having confessed once more when it is said that the full moon reaches your message to your beloved, I won’t shy away from grabbing this opportunity to tell you that, I still love you immensely, yes, I do. You might believe, might not do. It is completely up to you. I still miss you. You still pump oxygen in someone’s life, but unfortunately, it is mine no more. I know, that in pain, a man finds the logic of one’s gain. In pain, man sees the other side of the coin, even if momentarily. So, this man, not of ailing health anymore, but certainly with an ailing soul, has recognized the blessing in disguise that your parting away has brought into my life. Although once, but I was able to meet you before you left never to return in this lifetime, I feel myself more than blessed that I was able to remain sober till that mark. I don’t know when I lost all my consciousness. Everything had started to fade away from my eyes. It seemed death was close. Without you, how would I survive? But, someone was waiting at the door. I know, no one could ever take your place, but at least my breadth did not stop with your passage to your New World. I must tell, initially, I could not help my tears flow past the drawers of my eyes, but gradually I was able to recover from that state. But, this is not the case, that I had forgotten you as soon as I wiped-off my tears. Somewhere deep within I have remembered you ever since you left. You must be wondering why I am even writing out these things to you when it is already too late. But, I need to tell you all this because it was my negligence, my indecency, my not being sober, for all which you left, and now, I had nothing left more than guilt consciousness and repentance that surrounds my new life in your absence.
You know right, I have always loved classics more than peppy numbers? But see, the irony of my life, the song of my heart remained a served hot, item number, and never became the timeless epic that I swear I wanted in my life. I still remember watching Kal Ho Na Ho with you, that time too, who would have thought, like the film my life would really change with certain additions to the pages of time and of course without you! You know, for most of the times, in the nights, I have felt restless without you. It seemed to me, nihilism made a firm grip over me and sat just like the Betaal from the Vikram and Betaal T.V. Series.
I hope, I had made you smile.
Oh, one more thing, and a significant one indeed! It just did strike to me that you no longer remain the frog of the well. Isn’t it so? Isn’t it a blessing in disguise? I feel so, don’t know about you.
Do you realize, I still have your essence somewhere within me? If you don’t, I know not how to prove it to you at present. I hope, I am not boring you. Is it so, am I?
I have written a poem. Yes, yes, it is of course for you…
No one thinks of you,
Everybody is busy when it comes to you
They pretend, as if they least care
If you are busy someday, somewhere
There arises major reasons to fearDeath; ah, that might hurt
Unfulfilled desires cling to the heart
With the passing breadth even
The repentance and guilt do not leave you apart
They continue to haunt your mind’s heart
No one thinks of you
You keep beating all alone
Even when before birth your duties you continue
No one speaks to you
No one thinks of you
No one cares for you
No one pretends to be yours
This is all what I had to say….I hope, you realize my pain someday. I had no other choice left with me at that point of time, but yes, I admit in full consciousness, that, I did commit selfishness. What more can I say…
I wish it was never too late. I wish to revive those moments, but I guess, I won’t be the same, any more, any day, again.
Kindly forgive me.
Thanking You.
Yours and yours solely
Bikramjit Sen.
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